what burns more than mediocrity? (art series)

brute & bromie 02 | an illustration series exploring change: on continuing anyway, even when your best is bad.

·𖥸· hey! i’m ryv. ghost kid & plant enthusiast.

welcome to the BRUTE & BROMIE series. they are two characters i illustrate to explore what change actually feels like.

🩸 BRUTE acknowledges how brutal it can feel, or potential extremes of destructive patterns that hold you back. (so you can choose differently).

🌱 BROMIE is a tender reminder. permission for self-compassion, to be gentle with yourself through a period of drastic change. (it’s hard enough as it is.)

each drawing is an open space: something drawn from my own experience, that you might find flecks of yourself in, too. they are also tied thematically to these newsletters.

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𖡎 ᝰ . . . this batch is from my essay, “google won’t tell me how long post-viral fatigue lasts (or maybe i can’t tolerate being awkward at what i’m good at.)”.

it’s about the pressure you put on yourself when you come back to a practice you love after stopping - whether the reason was within your control or not.

the frustration of starting again, being worse at it than you used to be: while knowing how it feels to be good. in short, continuing anyway.

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🩸 brute

what have you loved & left to rot because you couldn’t face being bad at it first?

in this piece, brute looks down at their heart, buried deep in a tunnel. it has accumulated rot and mold, and their chest is visibly empty.

if you love something but have suppressed yourself from nurturing it, what would life look like without it a decade from now? how would you feel about who you are?

friction grows thick when things don’t go according to plan. sometimes, it hurts to keep something alive. life is demanding, and so are parts of yourself you love. they’re kept alive through practice, ritual.

building your own body of work is no easy task. after i got very sick in january, my mind felt dull. i couldn’t draw or write, and i was increasingly frustrated because ideally, i want to do this full-time. if i wasn’t good at this now, how could i expect myself to survive and garner an income from it in the future?

then i reminded myself of the alternative. give up my voice completely, trade it only for stability, grow numb over many years. the trade is brute in this drawing: looking back at everything i’ve buried deep, only to find that it’s what kept me fulfilled.

🌱 bromie

when was the last time you showed up for something you love, even when returning felt weird & unnatural?

keep building toward a life you love, especially when it’s hard.

the painful part is still very real. nothing gets suddenly easy.

struggle does not have to be suffering. bromie is still struggling in protecting their heart, weird poses all around - but what remains is that they’re driven by love, even when the path is uncertain.

what helps me continue anyway is remembering the end goal: a life i love. what that means for me as person, to still work toward it, still choose it.

it may be scrappy. loosely bandaged and glued together like the pieces of paper and doodles of this piece, but it would be mine. in turn, continuing show up for what really matters to you would make your life yours.

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i’m not saying to take any extreme action, like giving up on a day job which allows you to survive. but please: do not bury what keeps you alive. passion that pumps a hot rush in your veins, what feels like play, thoughts that roll off your tongue as easy as breath.

in your own time, i invite you to sit with the questions of these drawings a little longer. that’s what they’re here for.

and before i sign off,

what part of yourself would feel like death if you gave it up… and why?

. . .

to working through the noise,
— ryv

p.s. for the plant lovers out there, here are some details from the plants i chose in each drawing.

• 🩸 brute -

  • these are seen at the walls of the tunnel: artist’s conk mushrooms & anemone nemorosas (wood anemones.)

  • artist’s conks, in their natural state, are often found on decaying wood. the fungi marks trees that do not grow anymore.

    • they’re also called their name because it’s possible to draw on their undersides. (though in brute’s case, nothing is drawn. you know why.)

  • wood anemones are associated with forsaken love.

• 🌱 bromie -

  • at the corners of the illustration: i chose plums. both the fruit and flower. they’re associated with perseverance, because in winters, they still continue to bloom.